I thought I wouldn't be able to survive last night but hell! It was great! I didn't sleep this well in months!

I called Fatin to say I was sorry. I wanted to say sorry 'coz I chose someone over my best friend. She's been with me through it all. She was there longer than Mandy was. I feel so bad fot lettin' my heart take over my head. I'm glad Fatin still wants me back. We talked for awhile before I went to bed.

Funny thing, there was a thunderstorm right after I broke up with Mandy. I don't understand why she had to lie to me and keep it for so long. I asked her to promise me to tell me when she stopped lovin' me. I think she replied something like this, "I won't stop lovin' you.". I thought I had someone I could trust. You know what was her reason for not tellin' me earlier? She was a crybaby, yeap that was her excuse. She said she didn't want to make me sadder than I already was. Seriously? I couldn't have been sadder yesterday. She goes out with a guy for like 4 hours then I call her and she breaks up with me. Hmm.. and she says there's no one involved. Call me crazy, but I'm not stupid.

What I love best is that she convieniently broke up with me AFTER she spent all my cash. Isn't she adorable? Aww! It's wierd, I'm not angry or sad. I'm just bored. I just miss havin' a friend. I find it really funny, 'coz I thought I would be cryin' my eyes out.

I asked her so many questions last night. 1) Do you still love me? She didn't answer me at all. She just said, "I don't know." after 20 seconds. 2) Do you still want me? She said, "I don't know." after 25 seconds. 3) Is there someone else? Poom! Answer "No!" in 0.5 seconds. Then I had to beat around the bush before I got somemore answers.

Her points on why she doesn't love me anymore are: 1) We are of different religions (What the fuck?) 2) She's not the one for me ( I never had anyone better than her) 3) I'm not what she wants in a guy (Oh I'm sorry I don't look like George Clooney!) 4) I'm not the one for her

I felt this was the fuckin' biggest pile of shit I ever had delivered to me on the phone. Then I asked her one last time, "Do you want me anymore?". Wow she replied a "No!" so loud that I think people in Africa could hear her. That was when I had it.

You think you heard it all? Wait wait wait, here's when she dropped the biggest bomb of shit on me. Guess what she said? "I still want you as a good friend."

Nasty noodles from outer space! Gee! I'd be honoured to be your good friend after you just ripped my heart out! Do you seriously think I can look at the girl that I love so fuckin' much and just see a friend? The girl that I would die for, the girl whom I gave up my best friend for, the same girl who left me before the exams and fucked up my studies, this same girl, ripped my fucin' heart out after I gave her everythin', and what? She wants to be friends? NO no, good friends! I'm sorry but I cant do that right now yeah?

All those nights I stayed up wonderin' if you were okay. All those days I spent clueless 'bout you. All those days I spent lookin' the right thing to get you. All those days I starved so I could save up to get you what you wanted. All those days, I Fuckin' wasted! I never meant shit to you. If I did, would we be apart? Can you look me in the eye and tell me that for one second you were in love with me?

What I don't get is, why take me away from my best friend? Why fight for me? Just so that you could toy with me without anyone interferrin'? Are you that sick? Why lie and break my heart like it was nothing and cry? Were you cryin' because I didn't let you win in the end? I didn't play along with your sick game to ruin me?

I sarificed everything for you, and you left me. Left me when I needed you so much. When I called you last night, I thought you'd soothe my fears and reassure me. You did the direct opposite and just ripped my heart out.

I hope every night before you sleep, you think 'bout what you did and it haunts you like nothing. The last girl that did this to me is in a world of shit. The guy she left me for left her, her parents thinsk she's a failure and her friends abandoned her. God is on my side. He punishes those who hurt me so deeply. Like I said last night. I hope you fall in love with someone and he breaks your heart, a thousand times more than what you did to me.

I love you.